Super Smart

by Mark

Unfortunately I didn't get as much time with my Aunt Pat as many others in the family may have.  But all the times I have spent with her were always fun, full of joy and amazing!  She was very thoughtful, nice, a good host and cook.  The one thing I remember most about Aunt Pat is that she is one of the smartest women I have ever met, and I always wanted her on my team for every trivia game that tests knowledge about anything that we ever played.  I am very sad that she is no longer with us.  I will always remember her as someone amazing and great. 

Happy Birthday!

Happy Birthday Cousin Pat

I am a bit late to the party, but just wanted to convey my birthday wishes and to say that I enjoyed reading the stories posted to this blog.  

My fondest memories of Pat were the summer family barbecues at the Kuhr house.  Growing up, I looked forward to them every summer.  It was always nice to see our cousins that we rarely saw throughout the year.  I remember on several occasions that Pat would make us kids shuck the corn!  But what was nice about this was it brought our families together for a day of fun and now we have these wonderful memories!!

Happy 74th Birthday Pat!

Karen xo

Mom memories

Sharing the blog at work with some dear friends/coworkers and drinking tea.

One of my most favorite pictures of my mom's silly side. She wore the ears for three days straight!

  

Mom and her grandsons.

Many Sides

By Jennifer

Upon reading and enjoying the stories that all of you are blogging, I have come to the realization that my mom was a multi faceted person, with many different sides. I have also come to the realization how much she allowed her children to grow up to be the independent, educated people we each became.

My mother was never very affectionate, but had an amazing ability to say so much in very few words.    Some things I remember when I was little, but didn't realize at the time, helped form me into the person I am today. I recall the days my mom would wash the kitchen floor, and we would get so excited when she would wheel the kitchen table into the family room and bring in the chairs. We would then spend the next couple of hours pretending we were riding a rocket into outer space with chairs lying on the backside, or making forts out of the "new furniture". My mother never said a word as she spent the afternoon 5 feet away from us doing her spring cleaning.

I recall playing my Muppet Movie record and me and David getting behind our puppet theater and performing every song with our Muppet characters while my mother watched the whole thing, many, many times, never complaining or being irritated about seeing it again.

I recall watching my mother create many things with macrame, batiking, sewing clothes for my dolls, and teaching me at the same time. I don't recall my mother being very gushy with her words, but her actions spoke loud and clear.

When I was in the second grade, I made a needle point jewelry box for my teacher for a gift. My mom never said that it was pretty, or good job, but she told me my teachers initials to needlepoint on the top, and sewed the liner to the inside. I would periodically run in to my teacher over the years and she would tell me every time I saw her that the box was still on her nightstand beside her bed. My mother allowed my work to be my own pride and joy, without influencing me one way or another. She truly allowed us to be what we wanted to be, however and whenever we got there.

When I was 18, right before I went off to college she took me to Atlanta for her librarians convention. I was introduced to a mother I never knew I had. She was very outgoing, and funny, and giggly, and talkative. That side of her I see in a lot of other posts that her college friends have written about. That side did not appear often for me, but I'm now very grateful for knowing that she found and experienced much joy, as she was a very serious person at home.

My most cherished moments with my mom was in May when she began her final decline. The whole family gathered for a weekend, and my uncle came down. We sat around her room as my uncle told us stories I had never heard about her life. Those stories gave me a much clearer picture of how complex she had been through her life. I am also grateful for being able to be there for her during her last 2 weeks. Though she was not communicating, she would open her eyes and look at me, and I knew she was glad someone was there, but she still fought hard. I think there was a point she wanted or thought she needed to pass on when no one was there, but I don't think she realized I could be even more stubborn than her and I wasn't going to let her go alone, and when she became aware that I wasn't going anywhere, she left so very quietly and peacefully.

There is so much more I could say, but I will end with I miss her.

 I am thankful for all of you who have honored her by blogging and drinking a cup of tea in her honor today. Happy Birthday Mom!

A Day Off

By Tori

Today I wanted to have a great day in honor of Mom's birthday so I took the day off work. I started out with pancakes, which may have been more my tummy than Mom's, but they were delicious. Next, I went to a bookstore (it being #worldbookday too) I thought it only apropo to browse and purchase a book. 

Then I wondered across Central Park to the Frick Gallery to take in the Anthony Van Dyke exhibit which was fantastically done. I wondered back home for a brief interlude to pick up my gym bag. 

But before heading to the gym I took the bus down to 54th Street and walked to the East River and Sutton Place Park. A small pocket park Uncle Frank had told me Mom used to eat lunch in when she worked in that part of Manhattan. I purchased some tea and took it to the bench. 

Although it was too cold to linger long in the park, I liked to think I was looking at one of the views she often looked at when she sat and ate her lunch. After the gym, I stopped by Magnolia Bakery in Bloomingdales to pick up a slice of cake to eat with my Cary Grant movie choice for the evening: A Touch of Mink, co-staring Doris Day.  

Turns out a lot of the things my Mom loved - books, museums, New York City, tea, and Cary Grant - I love too. Funny how that happened. :) 

Happy Birthday Momma. 

Ps. She's be thrilled to know that Spell Check picked up zero spelling errors.

Love of Tea

By Diane

Happy birthday Pat!! 

I didn't realize she had such a love for tea. As I love tea myself and I am happy to know that I share that with her. 

I will think of pat  every time  I have my tea in the morning. These would have been the last pictures I have of pat at uncle cass's house. The memory that I have was her family gatherings at her house. 

It's such a great memory being with everyone and seeing cousins that you don't usually see. I hope you are enjoying family in heaven. 

Xo Diane 

Quiet Moments

by Dave

When I was younger, still in single digit years, there were instances I didn't know what to do with all the free time I had.  Tom and Jennifer were still at school and I was left to my own devices.  I would constantly ask mom what I should do.  She would throw out various thoughts like why don't you draw?  How about read a book? or play outside?

Well, one afternoon she suggested a jigsaw puzzle.  Brilliant.  Whenever I see a jigsaw puzzle in a store these days, or actually put one together, I remember all the family trips to different lodges or the condo we had in New Hampshire and what a great family activity it was.

I couldn't tell you what puzzle I was working on on this particular day but I was working on it so intently that mom stopped what she was doing in the kitchen and came in to help.

Were were so engrossed by the challenge that a while later I noticed a flickering light in the kitchen.  Mom turned around and saw the pan on the stove was on fire.  I was in a state of shock but Mom was Mom and put the fire out.  She saved the day and the kitchen. 

It's moments like these that stick in my memory the most.  Those quiet times working on a puzzle or writing Christmas cards in the dining room or relaxing by the fire sipping hot chocolate.  Of course Mom would be drinking tea.

Observations from Troy Lane

By Cousin Chuck

Pat the flower girl at Martha and Ed's Wedding

In my early years of life Pat and I did not have the opportunity to spend much time getting to know each other except for the many enjoyable family gatherings when everybody present had a blast. 

In my teenage years though, Frank and I  spent quite a bit of time together doing some of the things we both enjoyed like playing Chess, playing music, sports, and sharing the company of friends we had in common. This caused me to be at his house more often and therefore got to be in Pat's company more often and got to know her a bit better. Here are some of the things I got to know:

Pat loved to read. Often Frank and I would offer her to sit and spend time with us hanging out, but more often than not she declined the offer so she could spend time reading the next book on her wish list to read. Off to her room she went to read her books.

Pat didn't think of herself first. When she sequestered herself in her room to read, she always asked me and Frank if there was anything she could do for us...food, soda, etc.  before she left us. I always appreciated that she did that.

Pat was intellectually gifted. Maybe it was all the books she read or the embedded thirst for knowledge but she always seemed to know a lot about everything. Frank was/is no different! They both were cut from the same piece of granite! I never expressed this but I viewed them both like Einsteins. As you know, great minds don't always agree and some times I witnessed the Clash of the Einsteins. 

Strongly expressed points of view but they stuck to the subject Never diminished to a personal level. Never about personal stuff...only about things like....does X x Y= 1/3 power of pie times 4. No way I could contribute to the discussion cause I certainly didn't have a clue! Above my pay grade. I never witnessed any animosity because one or the other couldn't make their case. It only made them spend more time researching the topic to get the correct answer. 

Pat liked to share her knowledge...One time while at her house I was discussing with Frank that I needed to do a report for school about the Civil War, specifically about the battle of Vicksburg. I didn't know where to begin my research because keep in mind there wasn't an internet at the time. Pat offered to get some info for me and two days later she came to my house with about 30 pages of info copied from the library that proved very valuable in completing my report. I got an A for the report thanks to her help.

Pat was Pat... She had her strong beliefs and convictions and was not concerned about criticism. I am not talking about anything personal here or anything that's family. I am referring to the way she viewed life, the world, and the way she thought things should be. She also did not hold in disdain those that may not agree with her but instead invited those that disagreed to engage in intellectual discourse so each may be able to understand each other better.

Pat loved her family. I did not know that she had cancer until a family event at her house about 6 months after she knew herself. This came as a shock to me because she looked so well. She accepted things like a warrior...she was prepared to fight and not give up! 

In an unguarded moment she confided to those present that her greatest concern was that her children were not going to be adversely affected without her and that all were going to be ok. She so much expressed her love for her husband Tom who had dedicated himself for her well being despite the fact that he had his own medical issues at the time. Do you get it...she was more concerned with her family's well being than herself. She earned herself a free pass to be with Jesus.  

Flower Girl Pat

To all those in the Kuhr, Cetnarowski, and Sobierajski families..my most sincere condolences for the passing of Pat. Let her be the example of how each of us should meet adversity head on. God rest her soul! Miss you.

Chuck

Afternoon Tea

In a move that my sister would appreciate we pulled out the "good" china!

My Memories of Pat

By Cousin JoAnn

As far as I can see, grief will never truly end.  It may become softer over time, more gentle, and some days will feel sharp.  But grief will last as long as love does – forever.  It’s simply the way the absence of your loved one manifests in your heart.  A deep longing, accompanied by the deepest love.  Some days, the heavy fog may return, and the next day, it may recede, once again.  It’s all an ebb and flow, a constant dance of sorrow and joy, pain and sweet love.

SCRIBBLES & CRUMBS

Today is a day to celebrate the birth and morn the loss of Pat. Today is a day that when reading all the comments people have placed on the blog, puts a warm feeling in my heart for the life and good times she had.  This is a great tribute to her and I hope it all brings comfort and puts a smile on the faces of everyone who misses her.

Pat was my cousin and I really didn’t know her very well as I was growing up because she 13 years older.  I do remember her Mustang.  As I got older and Pat got married and started a family and I occasionally babysat for her children.  Most of all I remember the wonderful gatherings she had at her house.  She invited everyone, even those who didn’t like each other, and everyone had a great time.  When it would get later in the evening nobody wanted to leave.  She knew how to make everyone feel welcomed.

I remember the passion she had when she was gathering information on our family tree.  She would come over and go through old pictures my parents had and listen to stories of times gone by.  Even if you were not really interested in your family tree, when you spoke to Pat about it you felt her enthusiasm.  I forever treasure the Family Tree that she put together for my side of the family.  It gives me a sense of pride to know what the previous generations went through.  History was only what I learned in school until I found out how my forefathers lived through it all, then it became personal to me and I felt like it was a part of me.

She enjoyed the Polish heritage and I remember he dancing the Polka at many occasions.

I remember Pat always dropping by whenever she was around Yonkers.  It was nice.

The last time I saw her was during her decline almost 4 years ago when I was in California.  Even though her exterior was changing, I could still see the sparkle in her eye and her fighting spirit.  She amazed me.  Her mind was diseased, but she did everything she could do to keep it stimulated.  She never stopped reading and even with her slow speech she always participated in the conversation.

What amazed me the most was the love I felt between her and Tom.  He did everything he could for her.  You could see that he was tired but it seemed like that never stopped him.  I have a great respect for him.

I do not know her children, my cousins, on an intimate level, but I do see a lot of her in Tori.  Uncle Cass told me that Pat was going to drive across country by herself for some reason I forgot, but he wouldn’t let her go alone, so he travelled with her.  I will let Uncle Cass tell that story.  She was determined and I see that in Tori.  

I remember sitting at Thanksgiving dinner one year and Tori was telling us how she wanted to live in the city.  That was her ultimate dream.  Pat kept on telling her how expensive it was and that she would probably not be able to do it.  Like Pat, she was determined and now she is enjoying a good life in big old NYC.

Pat never said anything bad about anyone.  She had a good soul and took things in stride, at least that is what I saw.

I am getting a great joy out of reading all the blogs about her.  It gives me a better sense of all the dimensions she had in her life. Again, this should be added to the Family Tree to embrace and memorialize the wonderful person she was.

Pat, you were one of a kind.

With love and affection,

JoAnn

CNR Memories

By Darby

 

I was a member of the class of 1963 and although I don't have specific memories of Pat I do remember her. This was a remarkable group of women. We grew up amid tradition 

 

I remember we were not allowed to wear pants on campus, sneakers were forbidden, and boarders were required to dress for dinner.  We graduated into a whole new world with the coming of the 1960's.  

So many of my classmates went on to accomplish remarkable things. In recent years I have become reacquainted with a number of my class-mates  and I am amazed in the things they have done and are still doing.

 

As I drink my tea this afternoon I will remember and honor your sister and classmate Pat.

Happy Birthday To You!

Happy Birthday!  Mom was always so happy to be surrounded by her boys. Her eyes lit up each time we visited her, and she listened proudly as Sebastian and Julian shared with her their various sports victories and disappointments. Julian would tease her about going for a swim in the pool with him, and she would smile quietly.

Those visits were special for all of us, and we'll always remember them.

Hope you are having a nice cup of tea and sorting through pictures today!  We love you!

My First Job

By Tom

My first job was the one my Mom gave me. It was part time, it was solitary, but it was important to me.

My Mom went back to work when my little brother David was old enough to be in school (most of) the time. As a librarian and expert in keeping things organized, she was in charge of writing synopses and indexing newspaper articles from around the country on a wide variety of topics so they could be indexed correctly on microfiche.

For all you young people, a microfiche is just like having a PDFs every newspaper article, but without the full text searching. And not on a computer, but stored in boxes on shelves in ...libraries.

In that pre-PDF era, they cut real newspaper articles out of real paper newspapers collected from all the major US cities, and pasted them onto white paper with glue. They then took photos of those pages, and shrunk the images down so they were microscopic - along with a synopsis and a grid number - and put hundreds of these images of articles on flexible thin plastic slides (microfiche!). To read the article, you could put the microfiche into a magnifying machine and move it around until it came into view. Very fancy in its time.

Anyway...she'd receive stacks of newspaper articles every week, and they needed to be alphabetized before they could be organized.

That's where I came in. I was her chief alphabetizer.

I remember working for hours in our basement, reading article titles and sorting them into a rack of sorts. I somehow procured a cassette deck in the process, and listened to music while working "under the table". I don't remember how much I made, but I do remember being proud to have a job and be making money on my own.

I was also really happy to help my Mom out. She appreciated being able to get to the more challenging work she had and not do menial sorting. And I appreciated her working so we could enjoy living in a nice house in a nice neighborhood. Mom taught me a lot by having me figure things out for myself. She was really awesome that way.

What's so funny?

Does anyone know what's going on in this photo? 

The Doll on the Bed

By Marie

I also remember a doll that she had.  Aunt Helen had made a beautiful sweater with a matching hat for the doll.  The doll sat on Pat's bed.  Whenever I went over there I always wanted to play with that doll, but Pat wouldn't let me.  I wonder if she ever kept that doll, and if any of the girls have it now.  I hope so, as the doll was beautiful and so was the sweater set.

Pat and King Sobieski

By Alice

I first met Pat freshman year of college, but came to know her well through alumnae activities that we both supported and through the many lunch gathering of our CNR friends

My first memory of Pat goes back to Freshman year in Western Civ class as I listened to Pat present a very interesting report on Polish King Jan Sobieski.  In fact, when I brought this up to her later at one of our CNR lunch gatherings, she couldn't believe I remembered it! However, it was such an excellent report that it was memorable! I later became a history teacher; whenever I taught about Poland, I thought back fondly to Pat's presentation.

What a wonderful tribute to Pat on her birthday; I have enjoyed looking at the pictures and reading the comments of friends and family.  Pat was a delightful and courageous person, an inspiration to those of us who first met her at CNR and became her life-long friends.  Thanks for providing the opportunity to remember her.

Pat and Tom

by Frank

No blog about Pat would be complete without mentioning her other half.  She was married to Thomas Kuhr for nearly 48 years. They were a team known simply as Pat & Tom. Those two three letter names were always said together. They flowed. Pat & Tom (I should note that 4 people on the planet didn’t call them Pat & Tom they called them Mom & Dad. Hey, two three letter names.  It works.) 

We never lived just down the street from each other so when we got together it wasn’t just for lunch. It was for a day or a weekend and a few trips together including a ten day trip to England for which Pat and Tom created the master travel plan. The trip included three of her children, two of mine, my mom, me, my wife, Mickey Jo, and, of course, Pat & Tom. They booked three apartments in the same building and no AirBnB to help. 

The trip was planned down to the smallest detail by Pat & Tom.  Well almost to the smallest detail. There was the matter of knowing how to get to the church where their eldest, Tom got married. (This is the Tom who married Sam. They are known as Tom & Sam or Mom & Dad depending on who’s calling them.) Somehow I got blamed for their tardiness to the ceremony but that’s another story.

Pat & Tom threw great parties. In keeping with my father’s vision of family, they threw a nearly yearly “family” party. Staying at Pat & Tom’s we were always around to watch the two of them put the whole thing together—morning till evening. While Pat prepared the house, Tom did the running around--poetry.  It was always great to see everyone and Pat & I took in as much info as possible so that over Tea that evening we could compare notes and have some laughs. And Tom by then was sleeping on his chair in the family room. Hey, he worked hard. 

But the hardest part for Tom was after Pat got ill. He became the rock. He took care of my sister over her last years and I can never express to him just how much that meant to me. Her dream to move closer to her west coast children and grandchildren took her away from her east coast brother. I can’t blame her for that I would have done the same. I just couldn’t visit her as much as I would have liked. Thank you, Tom for looking after her. My sister chose wisely. 

Friends for Life

By Judy Mallegol Cardanha (Pat's BFF)

Pat and I shared many cups of tea through the years. In fact, I gave her a teapot many years ago -- a pastel pottery with a matching stainless steel tea cozy to keep the tea hot.

We met freshman year at Sacred Heart High School in Yonkers, NY.  In the special issue of the school newspaper for our graduation, each grad had a list of such things as "favorite song." Most people had some current hit, but Pat and I had both chosen "You'll Never Walk Alone," from Carousel. Quite a coincidence! We toured local colleges together and, with two other classmates, decided on the College of New Rochelle. The Sobierajskis were kind enough to let Pat drive the family car every day to get the four of us there [and she was the only one with a driver's license at that point  :)  ].

CNR had a great influence on our lives, and Pat volunteered many hours for the College. She looked forward to each 5-year reunion. Below is our 40th Reunion in 2003. First picture shows Pat with classmates Noreen Deane and Patty Maher and one of our favorite teachers, Sr. Mary Dowd; second shows Pat with Charlotte McNeil King.

In mid-September 1962, just before our senior year at CNR, we went to Atlantic City with my great aunt Helen and her friend Marie for a long weekend.  One dinner was at Captain Starn's Restaurant. Pat had quite a tan that year.

Other than being a cheerleader in high school, Pat was interested in drama. Nearby Iona College had a very good drama club, and Pat was busy there for our four years in college. And she met Tom!!

After graduation, Pat started working in a special library at a Manhattan advertising agency [I think] and began getting her library degree. We talked about getting an apartment in the City, but neither of us had much money, and paying rent wouldn't have left any money for traveling -- and travel we did.  We went to Cape Cod, then Nantucket, Montreal, Washington, DC, and wherever various friends invited us. And in August 1966, Pat and my sister Jane and I sailed on the SS Rotterdam to Europe.  Here's the Bon Voyage party in our cabin [when you could do such things]. Pat is far left.

We spent a few days in London, then drove through Oxford and Stratford-on-Avon on our way to Liverpool to visit my mother's old friends, the Kearneys. Picture shows Henrietta Kearney, Jane, Pat, and me.

We also went to Paris, Lourdes, Barcelona, Madrid, and Lisbon, with many side trips, and flew home from Lisbon. We made sure we could order "tea with milk" in each language. The biggest challenge in each place was figuring out how to flush the toilets -- many variations in '66. I remember Pat trying to use her Spanish in Barcelona to ask for clothes hangers and saying "colgadero" over and over; the hotel person just stared at her, but finally said "O, colgadero," as if that wasn't what Pat had just said. We just shook our heads.

Boyfriends, engagements, and weddings came in the next few years. Pat and I were bridesmaids for each other, my wedding being on 10/10/1970 [Pat on right].  Pat had to wait until after Tom was born before she could get her bridesmaid's dress made! Three weeks later, for Halloween, she used the dress for an angel costume.  :)

We got together at the Brimfield [MA] Antique Fair in July 2003. Pat was looking for a particular-size corner cupboard, which she never found, and for white pottery to add to a collection. She's checking out plates here.

Some other tidbits I remember -- Back in the day, her favorite movie was The King and I; but I don't remember how many times she saw it. And she loved The Bridge on the River Kwai.  /  Every Holy Saturday morning, Pat and our friend Pat Kulaga came to our house with the food that had been blessed at St. Casimir's and shared some with us. My youngest sibling Paul still jokes about it at Easter time . . ."Have Pat and Pat been there yet?"  /  We gave some fun parties together . . . one was a Halloween party at which pairs of people had to make costumes out of newspaper and brown paper bags; another was a Christmas in July party with a tree and gifts for everyone.

That's it for now.  I hope they celebrate birthdays in heaven.   Happy Birthday, Pat.

Books, Books, Books

By Jane  CNR '63

Pat was such a voracious reader. When we spoke by phone, the topic was often what she was reading, and I remember particularly what fun she had going through the Harry Potter books. Huge as they were, I still think she devoured them. I was very fond of them too, and we had fun talking about them. 

I know that she appreciated large-print books, and that our friend Beth made it a point of sending some to her when she could. I did it too, a few times, though I found them not easy to find. A little over a year ago, my husband and I moved to a retirement community where there were large-print books in abundance at their annual used-book sale, so I managed to send a small shipment to her. I am only sorry that I can't get some more to her now. I remember with affection how active her mind was -- and her imagination, and her sense of humor -- no matter how poorly she might have been feeling.

Pat's Mustang

By Frank

The first Ford Mustang came out in April of 1964 and Pat had to have one. (Hers was maroon.)  After getting a loan from the bank she came home with her mustang and a picture of a mustang, cut it into 36 pieces and pinned each piece on her bulletin board. After each monthly payment a slice of the car moved from the bank’s side to her side. 

By Cousin Marie

I have a "fond  memory" of that Mustang.  When I got my learner's permit, Pat offered to teach me how to drive a stick shift.  The car was parked in a downward sloped driveway.  We got into the car and Pat explained to me how to start the car, release the clutch, press on the gas and move the stick shift.  I must have had two left feet, as I couldn't coordinate or maneuver the two pedals.  I would get it started, but as soon as I stepped on the gas it would stall out.  Pat was patient, but after 13 attempts at trying to get the car out of the driveway, Pat suggested that I give up.

Day Hop Lounge

By Charlotte CNR '63

I have many memories of Pat when we were day hops at CNR sitting in the Day Hop Lounge discussing the many issues of the day. Over the years, we would get together with several classmates for lunch and again discussions on the pertinent topics of the day. She was always a lively participant with very great insights.